my sweet heart

the most manja n cute creature...
name : ELLE VIE..
* will update the story later**

to be continue......

The Cruel Poetries of Life

I don’t really know how to deal with a super sensitive person.. i’m out-spoken and sometime.. my word can be misjudge by them... the more i explain and trying to fix it.. the worse it can be.. its really hard to deal with.. so i let it be gone... ignore and if the person think that her emotion and hormone level getting back to track.. i have nothing against it at all.. don’t get me wrong.. cause i’m not hating u for being super sensitive human being... Its not wrong to be sensitive.. cause i know it come naturally and people are not pretending by being sensitive towards some issues and phase of live.. it all happen because we have heart and we care about our feeling and others too..

I’m not an angle... so there r kind of person that i hate the most... which i can’t deal with.. sometimes i can’t bear to be near this person.. i HATE it but i will not explode...

I don’t consider her as my friend yet.. her behavior is not up to the standard that one can be call as a friend... unfortunately.. i know her.. and i only can refer her as my acquaintance... someone that i knew at one point of my life..
I don’t think she know how bad is her behavior.. cause she’s surrounded by people who spoilt her and willing to take her for granted.. but i can’t be like them... and swallow all her menace behavior.

She’s behaving like a sweet angle in front of everyone... she is not that kind of people that she seems to be..
I have a little argument with someone and that matter is not related to her.. but she behave like a stupid girl and got carried away by other people problem..
She never confront me about anything.. but the way she deal with me make me realize that she’s an immature and behaving like a stupid 5 year old girl fighting over a barbie doll.. i don’t deserve to be boycott by her... i don’t give a damn to it... but i do care about my own reputation among others that i do consider as friend... and that makes me really piss off..

Story teller...

My BFF describe me as a girl who know how to have fun.. great listener.. and she said that my advice and morale support is worth rather than meeting the professional counselor..

Its a word from a bff.. which is always positive because i know she is my best friend for ever.. We treasure our 12 years of friendship together. We’ve been in the almost the same situation.. When we were dating some guy, sometime its make us lost control.. the friendship had an up and down circumstances.. but we remains strong... When one of us going into trouble with the so called “our boyfriend” we support each other no matter what.. We grown up and choose our path.. our sense towards fashion is differences and sometime our judgments is not the same anymore. No matter what might change it won’t bother us.. coz deep inside we know we are made to be friend forever..

Sometimes we do talk about what will happen in 10 years time?. I bet she will definitely happily married and she said that i might be on the top of my career.. and maybe i’m just married at that time and still continue my passion towards handbags.. I laugh and can’t stop laughing... and then we stop... silence... our mind going elsewhere..
Then out of sudden she hold my hand.. I knew she will do this... there’s some tears inside her eyes... I’m not ready to face it yet.. i want to change the topic.. i want to run away... i just ignoring the situation.. pretending that i’m not aware of it...
Then the question pop out from her.. asking why am i like this.. i ask her back what??.. like what?... i’m not unscrupulous person kannn?.. (trying to make silly joke..)
I don’t know what to do... i don’t know the answer... the question still linger in her head...
This time is serious... she ask me.. why i don;t let myself be in a real happiness.. be in a real relationship.. and why i keep on saying that i’m single but in fact i do seeing someone... she get confuse.. dunno who is the real person that i love...

We already confront each other about guy topic... i’m not an easy person when it come into a relationship... i might be holding someone hand n watching movies together... and we laugh..... having a lot of fun...but when it comes to talk about feelings and future...I get an awful feeling inside...and I don't talk at all....and then there was a killing silence...between the struggle of this guy to talk with me...and my silence pretending that nothing is happening.
I don’t affraid of commitment.. but i don’t know why should i bother to have one.. i love to be in love.. to have an extra excited towards an attractive guy... but that is it... not more than that.. i don’t expect anything more than just having fun.. i really don't want to ruin the relationship ...but the need to escape is stronger...

So BFF.. i hope u will understand.. i’m not a perfectionist... but next to a perfect life is what i’m looking for,... couldn’t care less or more... CHEErsss..

head over heels..

Head-over-heels. I never quite understood that term. I mean, your head normally is over your heels. So I would think that it would be when your heels is over your head that it's something different, special, out of the ordinary.

I'm a liar But not a cheat,
I think it's safe to say that I got carried away, it's fooling anyone.
Forgive me if I'm out of line... I can't control myself sometimes and I think I'm sick but I might be well... I think I'm broke but it's hard to tell... I think I feel like I've never felt for you..

I'm alone with my computer.. its raining heavily outside, damn i can't turn on the ASTRO since i only can see the small stupid yellow box showing that there was a signal blocking.. i want to eat but there's was nothing to eat.. i want to cook.. but damn i am too good to be true :P...
I'm suppose to clean my room, unfortunately there's whisper inside of me saying... i can always postponed it.
so, with nothing else to do... i was just browsing the web.. how pathetic... i can't do online shopping from Neiman Marcus since they don't do shipping here..
Enough with the eye candy from NM.. it make me more stress... I log in to my friendster account.. there's lots of massage to be read.. most of it were invitations for an open house and i don't really fancy it.. unless i was invited personally by a phone call or at least SMS.. i think it show that it is a real invitation... but by posting your invitation through FRIENDSTER BULETIN... its too random...

I was browsing through a friend's friend profile.. with no significant reason..
some people was so funny.. some profile did make me laugh.
I was about to log out when i bump into a quite familiar name... JOHAN A**M L****... I didn't click his profile yet... cause i was questioning my self .. do i know this guy?? the name did gimme a ring bell.. but i can't figure it out yet... i keep on refreshing my memories... try to remember.. and it was OHH MY GOD..!!!!! It was JOHAN A**M L****... (a brilliant super senior of mine..!!!!!!) gawp.... i don't really know him.. but i know his name... and i kinda have a small crush on him back then in school.. and it was like.. ermmm..... 8 years ago...!!!


*8 YEARS AGO*

my school was a full boarding school which only consist of form 4 and form 5 student.. He is not my current senior,but A super duper senior.. he's already finish school when i enter it.. so theoretically... we should never meet or known each other right?..
Unfortunately, my class teacher love to talk about J.A.L.. telling how brilliant he was... etc etc. I'm suppose she want to motivate us to study and keep on track.. so i know J.A.L through my teacher's story...my girlfriend and i did a search for him in our previous school mag... we find out that he's handsome and a school prefect.. i can't remember whet er he was the head boy.. but i think he was..

After finishing school.. all the student were scattered all around the world.. some pursue studying abroad..
Once a while i will coming back to East M'sia, to visit my teacher especially during raya... there's where i meet J.A.L.. and i do admit .. i have a crush over this guy on the first time i meet her.. we do chat a bit.. and he did ask for my number... but i was too shy and control freak those days.. and it all over..
years past and gone... i never heard about him anymore.. i lost contact with my great mama Cikgu.. I was so busy studying in the Uni... working...busy with my life... enjoying life.. shopping.. etc etc.. hurm...

*2007*

Enough with the history...
I almost fell down the chair when i remember her... it was fun..!! weird feeling.. i feel like a butterfly inside my abdomen... its like u r sixteen and u saw some good looking senior blink his eyes on you... hahahhaa....
i click his profile.. (thank god.. its not private)... click her pic.. and it take my breath away.. gosh..!!! He's currently in Japan.. working. Looking very smart.. he lost his boyish cutie "jambu" look.. now he is sooo damn hot... if i ever bump into her in real life.. definitely i won't recon her...
What should i do??... oh gosh.. i think i am lossing my mind... i behave like a sixteen year old girl... i shoudn't stalking on people life.. but i think i should just give myself a chance.. i want to know him but in a healty way.. not that i want him or what.. i just want to know.. what kind of person he is...and mayb.. just perhaps... we can be friend... hurmm... what should i said to him???... i'm out of idea... but my curiosity is boiling...GOD please help....


edit-- it him not her... gagagaga merepek la aku nih...