Wednesday, August 3, 2011

what ya think?

" This is my life. I'm gonna do whatever I want to be happy" .... sound familiar..?? sound like a voice in our head??... huhuhuhu i used to buy the idea and re quote the phrase. But now not anymore. In life there are lots of thing that we must consider before we act or do for the sake to be happy.

For example, is it okay to do whatever it takes and keep on a secret relationship with someone's husband becoz of our happiness. Can we really be happy from other's sorrow??... think about this before we simply said and quote those very selfish phrase. this might sound nasty when i said we women sometimes the most selfish creature when it came to our hapiness in a relationship.


I have a friend before who really in love with someone's husband and she dont give a damn to disobeyed the hukum. she would do anything in ths world for the guy including pretending not knowing the guy infront of the wive and sleepover the guy's house when the wife balik kampung with the kids. seriously man i really wanna puke when she proudly told me. yes the word is proud !! **weeek** she willling to do whatever it take to be happy. but deep inside .. are we women really satisfied and be happy knowing we are the creature who break other women heart. if it happen that the guy divorce his wive and then marrying you... you most probably will said that it all jodoh and kerja Allah. Ohhhh come on lahhh for God sake don't la involve God in this matters when u in reality disobey the hukum.. just a thought tho.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Detox - My Issues

First Day of Ramadhan goes smooth with some headache.. but alhamdullillah. Food intake still under control. My ifthar menu is the simples :





  • watermelon 100% juice - no sugar add




  • 1 BIG Medjool Dates




  • 3 Spoon of Bubur Lambuk




  • Asparagus + Chic without rice




  • 500 ml plain water ( it good enuff since i dun really drink plain water previously)


Its a challenges but it all about mind set. Huhuhu siksa juga specially the plain water part. I should take 3.5 litres daily. My body need it to flush out all the toxin yang dah bermastautin tetap almost all my life. And i read somewhere in order to loose weight we need to flush out the toxin first.. ala detox our body first, and the best part is.. drinking pure plain water is suppose to be the easiest way lahhh.. but knowing me yg nak minum 1 cawan air sehari pun almost impossible.. its my BIG challenges.. huhuhuhu.. today plan nak increase my water intake.. and still breakfast without RICE.. yesterday kantoi with bubur lambuk since it was a sedeqah and i felt gulity if tidak merasa barang sesudu dua.. *errr teringin actually*



Let see what will happen today. Wish me luck with my siakap masak steam + lots of veggies + cut fruit... yummmmmyy..



*Bazaar Banned*









Wednesday, July 27, 2011

SelamaT Hari Jadi


5 days past my B Day. 28 years old is a big number to me... it is so near the 'awesome ' 30. Rather than to be depressed that I'm getting old n older... i switch my otak to be grateful that at 28 i hv most of the happiness in my life. Its not about the quantity but the quality is the most important. Some say that having million dollar account, hour glass figure and hundreds of BFF is cool and the ultimate happiness in life but i say it is soooo WRONG. I hv less than 10 good friend, not a perfect family, almost broke every end of the month and soo many fault in life.. but i relief that Allah hear my doa. I'm satisfied with what i have and still berusaha to be better in life. I got plenty of time for myself, few quality time spend with family and dear friends. i hv it all just at the right amount. BDay girl having a good mood nowadays u must wonder why??... hehehehehe




I got quite a pretty handbag as a gift to myself for turning the number 28. Yes.. you read it correct.. a gift from myself. * blow nails* its a full leather handbag in plum colour. I'm so in love that i wore it for 3 days in a row to work this week. Heh pity my old love (handbags).. they have to wait until i got bored with this new addition of my love.. muahhh muahh





Say hello to the new family member : My Plum Leather Colette Coach..


' Be grateful if God answers your prayers out of so many prayers out there. But be more grateful when God makes you the answer to others prayers '

Monday, July 25, 2011

Ladies Roadtrip..

Just came back from a roadtrip with my hapPENING girlfriends.. Kota Kinabalu is FUN FUN FUN i must say.. and it happen to be on my B.day.. happy lahh kan... Eventhou ade tersilap percaturan n tersalah booking resthouse with no view of sunrise... huhuhuhu.. * nangessss* but its a bonus reason for us to come back for more! definitely i will InsyaAllah..



must come back for this view definitely...




Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Life Transformation

Its good to have fun but havin' too much fun is actually can destroy us. This is what i have been through for the past 6 years... it take me 6 years to learn. It is the most difficult 'degree' i got with so many test and ujian, the only thing is that during that time I dont realize it yet. We eventually will grow older and be more matured and from that process we learn n embrace our values.


The process of transformation is difficult, it is natural that we resist to change at first but as times goes by it came naturally. Life is less headache if we know how to deal with it. I must thank Allah that He have better plan for me. He let me make mistake that somehow i can learn. I'm not proud making those silly mistake and i'm truely regret it. Thinking bout the path i choose previously in life make me depress and desperately want to erase it from my life episode. If only there's a tools to destroy it forever. ohh please invent one... pleasssseee..



BEEN THERE... DONE THAT. *titik*




Having party is fun, having cool friends who loveeee and addict to party make it more funnnnnn. People tend to think only on the fun side but later on in life when we want to let say start fresh n change... those 'fun' memories of having sooo much ' fun' is not fun anymore. At least its not fun to me anymore. But rather than blaming others on the wrong decision i made, i choose to look at the bright side of it. It is a process of life where we learn n move on. I am a happier person now and i have my own way to describe how to have fun.. not like before. It all must start within ourselves and be ikhlas. InsyAllah..

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Long Lost Friends...

I bump onto an old frens of mine last week at the usual lepak spot near my house. She's a dear friend from my uni years and we havent meet for almost 6 years. The thing is after graduation, i gradually stuck into the working life while she continue her Master in Biomedic somewhere in US.. I am excited to bump onto an old friend but what make me really shock to death is she has lose 2/3 of her weight.. Oh My... i'm absolutely salute her.. She use to be the fat girl from first till our final years. But now she look sooo amazing.. i'm totally amaze... *Bravoooo Min*




While me on the other hand have gain another half of my weight for over the past 6 years :(


duhhhh .. yeah i am FAT.. seriously.. It make me realy realy SAD, but at the same time i determine to lose it.. slow and steady.. just like Min does...


This is what happen for the past years.. and i really have to make a BIG turn from now on... Hello to the new life ahead..








Wednesday, October 20, 2010

i miss you...

i miss you my blog... lot of things changes in mylife... my career.. my passion.. my relationship... my friendship... to many to list... i'm not glad nor that i'm sad.. i hv to move on.... forwards n learn..


sometime at some point at some age.. we came to a conslusion.. we are not perfect.. we do make mistake... and depress... deal with it... be proud of ourselves... but never be too ego... keep both feet on the ground...


no matter what i hv became..and gone thru i'm glad that i realise at the end of the day... my life is my rule... i keep control on them... life is all about choices .. sometime we make a wrong choices.. at least i know i do..


hurmmm... psttt.... by whatever mean.. i want to cheer myself up.. no other human being can cheer me at this point.. so i get myself a new black patent Varina flat from Salvatore Ferragamo... not a comfirt shoe at first but after sometimes it will be the most comfirt leather flat ever.. i promise.... (gulp ..guilt...).. my saving account will hate me for ths..
my all time fav. flat shoes... i want all colors... Helpppp..



Sunday, April 11, 2010

TAK BEST okayy attitude sgtt

start my monday morning knowing i got segunung kerja to be seattled... analysis , report writing and presentation to the MD. received a called from my GM... told me that dia bercuti for 2 days... what a great day to start a week... my GM was on leave and i hv to do all the work for MD meeting this wednesday.. great great... utk menyedapkan hati sendiri i pretend to be positive lahhhh.. a manager who can carry his roles or mayb to take over the place.. LOL

i try my best to keep my motivation alive... sometimes what we give we didn't get back.. but i always believe in karma.. takpe laaa kalo kene buli buat kerja kerja boss... just believe in ourselves that one day we can replace them.. meanwhile kene bersabar n learn.. dan jgn laaa nak tunjuk pandai...

talking bout tunjuk pandai.. hermmm another incident happen this morning... a junior exec yang sgt celupar mulutt... erghh i don;t know why laaa mulut takde insurann and tak tau nak respect others.. at least kat office choose the right words laa if nak complain pun... nasib baiklahhh she's not reporting to me.... i just can't accept staff with tooo much ego, refuse to learn n annoying attitude.. too bad she's sitting right in front of me... but lepas kene sound early this morning.... she is sooo quite .. sentap la agaknye.. sesekali kene jugakkk.. if not the whole company will hate her...

Saturday, April 10, 2010

2010....ohh no

erm... my first entry for year 2010... too many things to update sampai tak tau ape nak tulis.. em not good in writing a blog and updating.. but i promise to update it more frequent from this moment.... at least once a week.. rasanya tulis blog ni get me rethink bout my daily routine, moments and feeling.

i'm still mingle around with no hope.. how pathetic it sound.. do things that i like and keep myself busy with activities, and surround myself with people i love... sometimes ape yang kita mahu tak semestinya kita dapat.. so we have to satisfy with the current situation and add more colours to live it up.. yeay!

my office work always give me a headache. full with office politic and scandal.. i just wish that i can fired those people with no brain and no add on values.. but it just a wish that will never come true* lol*.. whatever it is.. i just play the game that they put me in.. just do mybest and keep aware from those stupid people.. jgn kene backstab sudahh lahh..

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Eid Mubarak..

Its the 8th of Syawal.. i might say that this year raya is kinda empty... i don't really be'raya'... i just took an off day for almost 9 day straight without the hari raya spirit at all.. i wont say my life suck .. infact it is perfect.. i got a superb friends to be with.. great activity.. going out every single night.. having great talk n coffee.. but at somepoint i still feel that it lack of something to spice it up..
Humanbeing will never satisfy with what we have but i try my best to accept it for whatever reason it is... i got great social life... great circle of friends...good career path... economically stable.. great wardrobe collection.. bla bla bla.. i'm bless and know that Allah always there for me no matter how bad i might turn..
sometimes it cross my mind.. i should take life seriously... i need to move forward n be gratefull.. and i want to prove that i can be better.. at least for my own satisfaction.. not to please everyone else... may i'll get my strengh and spirit.. God Bless.. Eid Mubarak..

Thursday, June 5, 2008

not me not u.. then who?..

uhuk... it's been a while since my last post.. isk isk... i miss writing n express my feeling but seems no much words came out. when u have so many things to say, its mess up n better not to say anything. i always believe that ignorance + silence is the best medicine. hehhehe.. bukan laughter as i previously thought.
i never regret for every single things happen, be it a broken heart,a loss of l.o.v.e, an end of frienship, or buying a new extra ordinary expensive bag (lol.. bengong). things happen, even in a very low occurances.. but its already happen and it is time for damage control. no appologies need or matters anymore. JUST NOTHING. my definition of damage control is simple...> just let it go and vanish forever. so no need to ungkit ungkit the history or even missing the good old days.. after the pekung di dada terbuka luas, there is no more the good old days... everything became kelam berasap. org ckp.. jgn di imbau kenangan lama nanti merosakkan hati n otak sendiri. to whom it may concern.. face the fact and face ur real world out there.. this wold is big and i believe there are someone who u can be nice infront and betray later but still she forgive u n missing the good old day. unfortunately that person is sooooo NOT ME.. tada...

Saturday, January 26, 2008

andai ku tahu

Andai ku tahu
kapan tiba ajalku
ku akan memohon
tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku

Andaiku tahu
kapan tiba masa ku
ku akan memohon
tuhan jangan kau ambil nyawaku

(chorus)
Aku takut
akan semua dosa dosaku
aku takut
dosa yang terus membayangiku

Andai ku tahu..
malaikat-Mu kan menjemputku
izinkan aku
mengucap kata taubat pada Mu

Ampuni aku
dari segala dosa dosaku
ampuni aku
menangis ku bertaubat padaMu

Aku manusia
yang takut neraka
namun aku juga
tak pantas di syurga

Andai ku tahu
kapan tiba ajalku
izinkan aku
mengucap kata taubat padaMu

Saturday, December 29, 2007

dinner...

ok.. as mention before... makan-makan di kunang-kunang... sedap n sedap... i ordered sup tulang singapore from their temasek menu while my sis prefered nasi goreng tom yam... its yummy n the price is reasonable...
this is how the place look like... nyaman n happening...



they also got live band perform last night.. i dunno what band was it.. but not bad... from arab song to indon band song.. we enjoy every single song that they perform..

i'm glad that i found this place n the location just 10 min drive from my place.. definitely i will come back n try their others menu as well.. cheerrss...

Friday, December 28, 2007

new year is coming and......

The new year is coming and my sis n i are planning to have a bbq party to celebrate it. The guest will be a very close friends of us "the sugar babes" consist of mama gymnast n kakak baby and my sis fiancée bro bob. I was appointed as the chief of the menu n cooking since there's no hope for my sis to do the cooking. Abg bob will be our survivor in making the bara api.. while the rest will do the grocery thing.

I might say that i'm not good in cooking but since mom left for hajj... i have to give it a try... They want me to buy the instant gravy powder.. but i reject the idea coz i just can't bear the taste of an instant gravy.. too much of MSG will make my head turn anti clock rotation.. hehehhehe.. (byk bunyi plakkk.... kuikuikuikui). so i'm browsing the net.. looking for a good n simple recipe on how to make a gravy. there were a lot of recipe that is too complicated for me. At last i manage to get the not so bad recipe from my boss... she is a superwoman when it come to cooking good food. Problem solve. I'm planning to have 2 gravy for the bbq.. the mushroom and black pepper. Now i'm crossing my finger hoping that the recipe will work just fine. yeay... its new year... and i want to start fresh about life... new friend... positive friend.. and fabulous life.

Enough talking bout the bbq party plan.. my perut start to sing now n its better for me to go for dinner.. thinking for eating out tonight coz I get my bonus yesterday.. I;m going to kunang-kunang to try some of their temasek kitchen menu.Will give some review bout it later. Adios.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE... suck...

Here is the piece i found n i think i should paste it here....

We all know impossible people. They tend to share three main characteristics: They cannot be reasoned with, they believe they can do no wrong, and they are convinced that everything is someone else's fault. If you haven't had some first-hand experience in dealing with such people, even a brief conversation can raise your blood pressure through the roof. These people may also be known to some as narcissists.

Ways to detect if you're dealing with someone with a personality disorder:

People either really love the person or really hate him/her (the former may even be the majority, in which case you may feel "crazy" or begin doubting your judgment);
You, and everyone else, note the person's "oversensitivity" and feel like you must walk on eggshells around that person;

The person rarely, or never, accepts responsibility for his/her own actions;

The person talks behind people's backs all the time and tries to pit people against each other, causing rifts (or splits); (SOOO TRUE)

The person appears unable to see the "grey area" in people--people are either good or bad (and one little thing can toss someone into their "bad books");

The person over-compliments you or other people all the time (tries to create alliances); (YES.... TRUE OSO)

The person has trouble with personal or professional boundaries (overshares, pries, dresses inappropriately, etc.);

The person has trouble holding an opinion--many people with personality disorders don't possess their own "personality" and you will see their opinions shift according to their environment; (hahahahhaaha... see...)

The person is highly influenced by external, environmental factors--their mood is a barometer based on goes on around them (for example, they interpret someone looking at them askew and it "ruins their day", but then someone compliments them and they are suddenly having "the best day ever", but then they misplace their keys, and their "day is ruined", etc.);

The person might complain about having trouble "being alone" or perpetually feeling "empty"; (once again...)

Drama always surrounds the person because the person creates it and constantly lives in a state of chaos.

Sound brutal? It is. So be sure to bail on that situation ASAP.

The person refrains from any type of communication - like a spoiled child - for hours or days. Sometimes you may not even be aware of what caused the person to stop communicating.

If you think you might be an impossible person yourself (or you have become one with regard to the other person), realize just how awful you are being and try to improve yourself. Then again, if you are really an impossible person, you won't even recognize yourself here LOL. To you, this page will be all about "the other guy." For the incorrigible impossible person, everything is always about "the other guy." If you're reading this page and thinking "Hey, that sounds just like [insert name of person you blame for everything]," you're probably one of the people I was talking about here (although you could never admit it).

If nothing else helps, resolve to treat your experiences with impossible people as valuable life lessons. Realize that after dealing with them for a while, getting along with everyone else will be a cakewalk. You are getting a free education in how to deal with the most difficult people out there. Although it is unpleasant now, the lessons you learn are going to be invaluable later in life.

It may also help to call a spade a spade and realize that you are dealing with an emotional abuser.
Recognize that, in the aftermath of a relationship with such a person, you may have some trouble relating normally with 'normal' people. Explain your involvement with this person and that it is now in your past, and seek their help in overcoming lingering feelings of self-doubt, bouts of low confidence, uncertainty, etc., that are the residual effects of years spent with an impossible person. YUCKS...

If you're having trouble coping, seek therapy. Keep in mind that therapy doesn't always involve sitting down in front of a psychiatrist, clinical social worker or psychologist. Do that if you need to, but don't hesitate to create your own forms of therapy as well.

Everyone wants attention from others, and usually these people couldn't get any positive attention during the major course of their life, so they instead act like a jerk to receive negative attention (but to them, through the negativity at least people now notice them). If they are wanting friendship, but don't know how to get it, and you are friendly to them, then they will appreciate what you are doing, and, best-case scenario, they will change. If they are just natural jerks who love to make others mad, then what you are doing will enrage them because they can't figure out how to make you mad, and eventually they will leave you alone. Kindness is always the key, even if it is insanely difficult to perform in various situations.
Some impossible people will see your kindness as a willingness to do any favor they ask. When this happens, kindly and regretfully decline, citing your reasons for denial. do not lie; it is better to be vague about your reasons. Lying, if discovered, will exacerbate your problems with this person (since, as stated above, they can simply pull your lie years later as more "evidence" for "blame" on you).

Don't disagree with them; find ways to be agreeable even if they are wrong (BUT I CAN'T BE AGREE WHEN U TELLING PEOPLE THAT i so engross to prove to ppl...that i RESORTED IN DEBT NOW N I SIGN ALL MY BAG?????.... and the hell told u that?? ME?... ERRR i heard that i'm buying all my thing to prove to a forum... GOSH.. u'r sooo sick). When Agreeing with impossible people sidetracks their steam as they realize that whatever they say you will agree with, as they continually look for arguments. Tell them "You are 100% right" or "I agree." You could even add humor and smile a bit as you agree with them, not so much for them as to keep you yourself at a low and patient level, away from falling back into anger and fuelling them even more.

Note that the most healthy way to deal with an impossible person is to remove that person from your environment. Do not torture yourself by exposing yourself to a destructive person. Do not put up with it. You are worth more than that. Remember that you cannot "fix" this person. (Now u re done and can go to hell.... i curse u!!)




Thursday, December 6, 2007

phuket...........marvellous

unable to update my blog due to the reschedule of my own activities.... i almost forgot that i have a blog... hehehhehehe blame it to my exitement for year end holiday... where...??? jeng ..jeng..jeng... Phuket..... (at last i do jejak my kaki!!)

i always love an island escape.... sun bathing is not my favorite... but i do love laying on the sand wearing nothing.. but not that i'm naked... it just.. i set my mind free and let go everything.. and its NAKED...
Phuket escape is soooo wonderful... my 5 day trip is not enough n can't really fullfill my need to escape... how i wish that i own the world.. no worries of how much money spend by just sleeping under the coconut tree or beside the mat salleh gile bogel.. LOL..
So many crazy thing to be done in phuket... from island hoping.. cruising.. snorkeling..jetskiying..err.. whatever water sport u might think of... to the wonderfull night life.. lady boy show or the local call them "tuk"... they are magnificent beautiful.. but i bet they can't hit *my real no silicone* boobs... chewahhhhhh... it okay if its small but its original... try squeeze it then u know.... (at least i know myself :)..
i love to share my experience n the 500 pic taken.. but with the whole wide world technology.. i just think that its insecure to share it on the net.. as it might slip to the phycho maniac people who love to steal people personal pic n send it as a chain email n label the pic sesuka hati mak nenek...

so.. this is the pic i think that safe to be shared with the whole wide world...

CHeerrrsSSS..


barely naked... cruising.. its damn hot.. and hotter by mat salleh tua botak n boncit berkepit sama thai women... LOL



point view.. Phuket Island..

Saturday, November 17, 2007

my sweet heart


the most manja n cute creature...
name : ELLE VIE..
* will update the story later**

to be continue......

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

The Cruel Poetries of Life

I don’t really know how to deal with a super sensitive person.. i’m out-spoken and sometime.. my word can be misjudge by them... the more i explain and trying to fix it.. the worse it can be.. its really hard to deal with.. so i let it be gone... ignore and if the person think that her emotion and hormone level getting back to track.. i have nothing against it at all.. don’t get me wrong.. cause i’m not hating u for being super sensitive human being... Its not wrong to be sensitive.. cause i know it come naturally and people are not pretending by being sensitive towards some issues and phase of live.. it all happen because we have heart and we care about our feeling and others too..

I’m not an angle... so there r kind of person that i hate the most... which i can’t deal with.. sometimes i can’t bear to be near this person.. i HATE it but i will not explode...

I don’t consider her as my friend yet.. her behavior is not up to the standard that one can be call as a friend... unfortunately.. i know her.. and i only can refer her as my acquaintance... someone that i knew at one point of my life..
I don’t think she know how bad is her behavior.. cause she’s surrounded by people who spoilt her and willing to take her for granted.. but i can’t be like them... and swallow all her menace behavior.

She’s behaving like a sweet angle in front of everyone... she is not that kind of people that she seems to be..
I have a little argument with someone and that matter is not related to her.. but she behave like a stupid girl and got carried away by other people problem..
She never confront me about anything.. but the way she deal with me make me realize that she’s an immature and behaving like a stupid 5 year old girl fighting over a barbie doll.. i don’t deserve to be boycott by her... i don’t give a damn to it... but i do care about my own reputation among others that i do consider as friend... and that makes me really piss off..

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Story teller...

My BFF describe me as a girl who know how to have fun.. great listener.. and she said that my advice and morale support is worth rather than meeting the professional counselor..

Its a word from a bff.. which is always positive because i know she is my best friend for ever.. We treasure our 12 years of friendship together. We’ve been in the almost the same situation.. When we were dating some guy, sometime its make us lost control.. the friendship had an up and down circumstances.. but we remains strong... When one of us going into trouble with the so called “our boyfriend” we support each other no matter what.. We grown up and choose our path.. our sense towards fashion is differences and sometime our judgments is not the same anymore. No matter what might change it won’t bother us.. coz deep inside we know we are made to be friend forever..

Sometimes we do talk about what will happen in 10 years time?. I bet she will definitely happily married and she said that i might be on the top of my career.. and maybe i’m just married at that time and still continue my passion towards handbags.. I laugh and can’t stop laughing... and then we stop... silence... our mind going elsewhere..
Then out of sudden she hold my hand.. I knew she will do this... there’s some tears inside her eyes... I’m not ready to face it yet.. i want to change the topic.. i want to run away... i just ignoring the situation.. pretending that i’m not aware of it...
Then the question pop out from her.. asking why am i like this.. i ask her back what??.. like what?... i’m not unscrupulous person kannn?.. (trying to make silly joke..)
I don’t know what to do... i don’t know the answer... the question still linger in her head...
This time is serious... she ask me.. why i don;t let myself be in a real happiness.. be in a real relationship.. and why i keep on saying that i’m single but in fact i do seeing someone... she get confuse.. dunno who is the real person that i love...

We already confront each other about guy topic... i’m not an easy person when it come into a relationship... i might be holding someone hand n watching movies together... and we laugh..... having a lot of fun...but when it comes to talk about feelings and future...I get an awful feeling inside...and I don't talk at all....and then there was a killing silence...between the struggle of this guy to talk with me...and my silence pretending that nothing is happening.
I don’t affraid of commitment.. but i don’t know why should i bother to have one.. i love to be in love.. to have an extra excited towards an attractive guy... but that is it... not more than that.. i don’t expect anything more than just having fun.. i really don't want to ruin the relationship ...but the need to escape is stronger...

So BFF.. i hope u will understand.. i’m not a perfectionist... but next to a perfect life is what i’m looking for,... couldn’t care less or more... CHEErsss..

Sunday, November 4, 2007

head over heels..

Head-over-heels. I never quite understood that term. I mean, your head normally is over your heels. So I would think that it would be when your heels is over your head that it's something different, special, out of the ordinary.

I'm a liar But not a cheat,
I think it's safe to say that I got carried away, it's fooling anyone.
Forgive me if I'm out of line... I can't control myself sometimes and I think I'm sick but I might be well... I think I'm broke but it's hard to tell... I think I feel like I've never felt for you..